Rantings of a Madwoman

i hate school.

I HATE LIFE.

god.

this week was a shit fest. practice has been really intense because championships are next weekend. when i come home all i want to do is shower and collapse...did i at any point mention homework? neigh. it felt like hell week though...it was worse than term paper week. i had six tests...i still havent taken one because i took wednesday off to study. i got myself into petty drama with kara too over a childhood memory that hurt me. in a nutshell i called her a bitch and she found out. oops. its ok now. actually, although this week was one of my most stress induced weeks, it ended up so well. i think i did well on every test i took and everything was resolved.

this weekEND, contrastingly, has been excellent. friday i slept over at a friends house with a bunch of crew people and we had deep talks...it's amazing how so many people deal with soooooo much SHIT in their life. i don't understand how together they are, i'd be a wreck. saturday practice was really good with the varsity's coach, and lexi and i went to kaboom last night.

kaboom. hooray fogheads? we walked about 2 miles in the opposite direction first, had dinner, and then took a cab back to the actual site. it was CRAZY. i think me and lexi got high off of secondhand. it was fun though--we got in the middle of the crowd to watch los lonely boys, even though i really could care less. we walked around a lot and met up with alan and kate and her boyfriend to watch fireworks. bart on the way home was INSANE. plus lexi and i stole a lawnchair. bwahahaha.

mothers day has been chill so far. i love my mumsy. ciao bellas, have a wonderful day.

( oh surveys. )

i love my new layout. look at it, 'tis beauty. i love the virgin suicides. guh.

added later**

Stolen from Natalie and Lexi/QuynhBABWE
*POST ANONYMOUSLY*
1. one compliment
2. one criticism
3. one secret

fuck college night. it just isn't going to work out. BAH! so many frustrations...

and i don't know what the hell is going on with the concert tomorrow, which is making me a little peeved because i cant get a hold of alan, and nikki and i need to know so we can buy an effing ticket...i need to know if we're going at all so i know whether to get all my homework done now or not. guh.

today was ok. nothing terribly wrong at least. and i actually woke up on time. wahoo.

i JUST finished catching up with math; and now i have chem, which i'm behind in; spanish; and english. junior year SUCKS. get juiced, kids!

i love kasabian though.

the gilmore girls premiere wasn't that spectacular. dammit.

I HATE PRE-CALC. I'M SO EFFIN BEHIND. gah. and i hate radioisotopes, WHAT THE FUCKIN A?!

( ephram's essay. i found it mildly and cheesily entertaining. )

today i woke up at 6:47 and kara came at 6:55. i hate close-up. i looked like shit today.

other than that, i forgot that i had an essay due for mr blume, psychology we had the president of our school as a guest speaker (he taught ap psych at SI), and vierra's was ok. i didn't realize it was a short day until last period. wahoo? i went to montclaire (oy) with kara because she was my ride home, and shelly and mal and...robbie, luca, granelli, alan, banks, allison, jamaal, derek, joe marrama (the only cool one), and a bunch of seniors were there. i was awkward and sat with joe. yay. i got a smoothie and mooched off shelly's sandwich (a.g. ferrari is love). came home and am doing homework. i still have a lot, but gg premiere...woop.

why is it so damn cold today??

today wasn't as bad considering how much home work i didn't do. in spanish, ms. pinette gave us a quiz on our vocab as usual, even though she told us SPECIFICALLY on thursday that we would NOT be quizzed on them. frickin' bitch. i got 2 out of 10, and that was WITH kimi attempting to elp me. me, joe, and lexi failed and laughed ourselves through it. in math, i kind of had a break down...mr abmindsun (sp? wtf mate) noticed me and natalie struggling and he tried to explain a radioactivity problem. Suddenly Natalie understood, and everyone else too, and i just lost it. he kept on pressing for more answers and all i could do was sit there like an idiot and say, "...i don't know." i didn't show it though, thank god. just got a little teary eyed. natalie just kind of sat there and said "well, you shouldn't be so negative." thanks. she means well, i know. i just feel so stupid sometimes. and im so afraid of not getting into college, blah blah blah. there's just too much competition. i want to crawl into a hole and observe everyone around me for the rest of my life.

WELL...chemistry wasn't as bad. the english quiz was pretty difficult, but oh well. fuck it, its over! i read 150 pages of woman warrior in one day; i think that that's pretty damn good. i got a ride home with kara and watched everwood. hooray. tomorrow is the gilmore girls season premiere. these shows are the only things that make life okay during school, oy.

i have lost my history book already and i'm pretty fuckin' pissed. does anyone have it by chance?

didn't think so.

i went to pebble beach this weekend. it was fun, for the most part. lots of sleep, relxation, and shopping. too bad i have to read woman warrior. FUCK.

i'll write more about the weekend later. for now...hmm...someone pray i don't fall asleep? i haven't started chemistry hmwk OR math. bahaha...ha.

as some of you may know, when i stress out and have sleep depravation and am in charge of waking myself up, i often wake up WAY too early with an anxiety attack and get ready only to realize that its like, 2am.

well guess what happened today? i woke up at 3:30am! and not only did i get ready, i also told my dad to get ready to take me to close-up, so he hopped in the shower. so i get dressed, put make up on, do my hair...and look at the clock. it was 3:40. bitchasshomotherfucker. so i told my dad and he was a bit pissed. oops. went back to bed and went to close up with out showering because i was so tired. boy, did i look pretty today.

i have homework. buuuut...O.C. PREMIERE! gets me so extremely juiced. bejeebus.

school sucks

i have so much homework left. ee gads.

by back hurts like a BITCH

yesterday was the shindig. we had to wake up early to get there by 11 and take pictures, set up the slide show, etc. the slide show almost didn't work because the different region codes between australia and the u.s., but thank god we found a way. it went really well past that. everything was really fun and there was no drama. hooray! i will post pictures later, because i know you all are extremely interested in my grandparents. afterwards, we went to my nana's for din din, as well as brunch this morning. i've been driving everywhere and am actually getting kind of good. license in...15 days? i need to do those flippin 2 other lessons though...

i have so much homework. i think i have to read the entire woman warrior book. someone SHOOT ME. at least its only a four day week. and next weekend we're going to pebble beach. fun?

i want food dammit. i think i've gained weight though. poop.

( fucking hillarious. Michael Moore writes to our dearest President )

read that...it's so worth it. bahaha.

friday was a mess...so many quizzes. i went to sequoia after and hung out with all of the fam damily. I played a few holes with my pa too. afterwards, we went to this part shindig with a family that my mom's family grew up with. they had 6 kids, just like my mom's family, and each kid had another kid to hang out with, and the parents were best friends, so everyone was really close. the family was effing hillarious...this one woman should challenge dane cook. aaaanyways, she works for dior, and she gave me a butt load of stuff...lip gloss, mascara, a t-shirt. wow. i don't even like designers. aparently the lip crap and mascara is like, 1 $60 value. SAWEET. after shelly, mal, kimi, and brie picked me up and we slept over at shelly's dad's. they had gone to the a's game. how much did we kick the yankee's ASS? sweet again.

today shelly gave me a ride home and i went to the cal game with my aunts and uncles. it was fun. we left at half time. when we got home we had a family barbeque. i spent the whole time taking pictures; my cousin (he's 32...) has this really excellent camera that i fell in love with. unfortunately, its 2,500. goody. the big anniversary shabang is tomorrow, and then some of the craziness will die down. oyay.

i'm tired and have nowhere to sleep. dammit.

hello all. the past few days have been a bit of a fatigued blur. today was really intense though. to start off, elliot came WAY too early (in his frickin' mustang, BITCH) and i got dressed in the middle of the hallway while everyone was asleep in like, 30 seconds. i looked like SHIT. close up was so...i don't know. depressing? i mean, hurricane katrina has been really hard and depressing, but we spent the whole class time watching a news special on it, in which i cried several times. i just feel like we have no hope in our world now. everyone who has any money uses it on stupid things, so the only hopes we could possibly put into action will never be able to work. we created this hurricane. and we're fighting a war FOR the driving force of the hurricane. how FUCKED UP is that?

and when i got out, lexi had bad news...i'm sorry lexi.
and quynh, i'm sorry to you too.

i guess things got a bit better from there. after 1st period during break i realized there was a lump in my jeans on the back of my knee, and i pulled it out to find my underwear. wow. me and lexi almost died laughing. the rest of my classes were ok, and mp was fun in albee's with jordan, joe, francesca (YOUR FAVORITE BECCA!), natalie, katie, alan, and rex. lots of laughing, no homework. i got a ride home with kara and watched sex and the city and gilmore girls. i love tivo.

yesterday i had my first day of golf. kinda sucked, but oh well--i'm stuck now. my dad bought me some really nice club. i like the sport, im just not sure if i'll like playing on the team. i figure i'll just do it anyway. tomorrow's a minimum day. fuck. i have, what, 4 quizzes? fuck.

today sucked...i fell asleep multiple times in every class. in us history 5 peopme said they walked by the class and saw we sleeping with my mouth wide open. damn close up makes me wake up so early. on the bright side, the cmt skit was sort of amusing, and i got a ride home. wahoo. i took a short nap and procrastinated all my toher homework until NOW! yay. poopy....

i hate being sick. it's so draining. and i sound like mr. blume. except not as ramble-some. i really like this bright eyes song.

i'm sick. just like a bunch of other people. i hate how school passes around colds like a hot potato, heysoos! today wasn't bad though...all my classes were pretty basic except math--WOW, was i delirious or what? i don't know if it was sleep, or being sick, or whatever, but i got about 2 problems done. wahoo.

i talked to mr. rossi, the golf coach, and he said i could start wednesday. i don't have clubs but...ok?! i'll have fun while becca chortles herself to death watching me attempt to play, bahaha. oh man. i'm going to swing and miss like...50 times. sounds like fun kids. i blew up at my sister today and smacked her. oops? i hate her. HATE. LOAAAAATHE. hmm, that's nice, right? i should do homework now.

homework. GAH. it kills me everytime.

last night was fun. well...kinda. ddr is too challenging for me because i have low coordination skills, bahaha--i suck. banks and alex soulier came over later just to hang out because alex lives up the street, but i was just really weirded out because they knew everyone there but me, and they didn't seem to have an interest. not that i really did, but...i don't know. i just wanted to sleep. i hate being around people idon't know, i feel so confined, and i can hardly be myself. and i hate when girls flirt, it makes me want to puke everywhere. not really actually. it just makes me want to yell at them really loudly. it's so effing ditzy. but everyone does it, i should stop being annoyed to easily.

apparently natalie's mom kicked her out and she's up in tahoe living with some friends, not going to school...i am worried about her.

today i came home around 11 or 12, did homework, went to the club again, and came home for dinner and more homework. i still have to read a buttload of crap. poopy. Nikki sent me "Antics" by Interpol and i'm so happy. i've wanted it for like, 4 months. wahoo!

PAHAHA want to hear a foonay story? i was at the club saturday, and i saw tom's parents...hmm. so at first i tried to avoid them, but then my parents went up and said hi so i had to, and i did. and they were all really nice, so i was relieved. but then i made a comment like "yeah, tom and i are still talking a lot and are good friends" when she said something, and she was confused. uh oh. she said, "...oh. ...well--i knew there was something going on there, but tom just told me not to worry about it. well thats good sweet heart! we miss you, we really think you're a doll. we almost wish tom had met you a few years later."

OH GOODNESS. a) she didn't know. i'm sure tom didnt mean to keep it from them that long, he probably just didn't want to make a big deal. but i mean. jeez. awkward? b) that's probably one of the nicest things someone has ever said to me. holy cripes.

tom probably got a bucket of shit for that one. oh well, he should've told them. makes me chuckle. i should sleep now, shouldn't i? ciao bella.

this week was a hard week. it got better though, so whatcha going to do? i think i want to learn how to play the guitar. not like it's easy or anything, and i'll probably SUCK, but i've ALWAYS wanted to learn. and it's something you can keep with you your entire life--it will never be something you have to give up. in my opinion at least. it's funny; we have a piano in our house and no one plays. bahaha.

anyways, this week my aunt from australia and her 6 year old son flew in, so we've been spending lots of time together. and my other aunt from new york is here with her two sons (one around the twins age and another that is around 2 or 3). so yeasterday i went to the club after school and sat by the pool with all of them and talked about how stupid bush is. my family is so frickin liberal, i love them. and here we are surrounded by country club republicans, BAHAHA! after they came over to have dinner, and then the one from australia went home to stay with my nana, but the other one stayed here. my whole family will be flying in soon, aka my mom's 5 siblings. they're all here for my nana and papa's 50th anniversary party thing they're throwing on labor day, hooooray. today i think we're all going to the club again, and later i'm going to fentons with a bunch of girls and having a ddr fest at eileens house. how cool are we. video games are neat-o.

i can't believe we've only completed one week of school...got it feels like 2 months, this week was SOOOOO long.

today sucked. i mean, i love how everyone is really sympathetic, but it still sucked. sarah durkin said she saw tim and he looked like a wreck. you deserve it ass hole! i'm not weepy anymore, just pissed. it's like...oh yeah, i spent four years of my fcking life spending 11 out of 12 months of the year doing volleyball. and for what you ask? to get cut for youngins that aren't as good. greeeat. die newman, die. today after school melanie goes to me and kara "shouldn't you guys be at volleyball?" fuck you. poodles.

but on a happier note...their is none! i have a headache and lots of homework, WAAAAAAAhoo. sorry if i'm whining so much about this, but its like someone has stolen the one thing i was good at away from me. i'm hobbyless. i feel like my identity was partially stolen. and i know that it wont matter in the big picture, but its high school, and it does matter right now. what am i going to DO with my fat ass?

i really am probably going to do the golf thing. what do i have to lose? i hear rossi's an ass, but it's not like i'm expecting to play.

basically i cannot describe the devastation going on right now...we knew that it was a possibility we'd get cut, and then it turned into a severe reality. and then the sophomores came into the picture. and now, not one or two, no, FOUR of us have been cut, plus another two that i'm not close to. and the two least dedicated or expected people made it. i'm happy for them i really am, but the resentment and bitterness i feel right now kinda blocks that out. they didn't deserve it--for christ sakes, the team captains of last years team got cut! we thought they were the only sure people to get a spot! and now four, possibly five, sophomores have robbed us. i have given up so much shit for the past four years--SOOOO much--and now one of the only individual parts of me, the only hobby i have, is being stolen from me, without permission. fuck you, newman.

if you don't understand, kara, brie, shelly, and i got cut, on top of louise and michelle, which was somewhat expected. there were only two people, kelly and eileen, who actually made it! the majority is now the minority...i almost think they're in a worse position, considering the guilt they feel right now. i really can see the silver lining in this situation, i can: i can do all the things i've always wanted to do. i can take up golf, i can focus more on skiing and join the ski club, i can do community service, i can have time to do homework, and i can even get a job and make some money. the one thing thats really depressing though is that volleyball is a part of my identity; everyone associates it with me. i don't want to fucking deal with this shit from people, asking me when my next game is. FUCK YOU. and my family considers me a jock just for playing one sport. not anymore! fuck you tim newman, FUCK YOU.

i just realized that i have the same shit-hole schedule that i did last semester: four consecutive classes on gold day, 3 easy ones on black day. FUCK! WHY DOES THIS ALWAYS HAPPEN TO ME?

today looks like i'm going to be driving to northface outlet to get a backpack, getting school supplies, and doing loooooads of homework. oh goody. does anyone know what we need to have, supply wise, for mr. albee?

i want to go see interpol. general admission is $25. anyone want to go?